I'm in here somewhere

The real Bridget hasn't been around for awhile now.. and to be honest i don't know where she went. It's almost as if I've lost any drive or ambition i ever had. I don't get excited to do things as much anymore, and all i wanna do is lay in my bed and watch Netflix series all day. I'm not as passionate about the same things i used to be.. i don't know what's happening. It's like I've been stuck in a state of depression, and I've dug the hole so deep for myself that i don't know how to get out of it. I don't want you all to feel bad for me when you read this either. I'm just going through a stage i think. And no, I'm not cutting myself or anything like that. I'm really okay. It's just that when i look at myself in the mirror all i am is disappointed. Disappointed about not having all A's. Disappointed by not working as hard as i can on things. Disappointed because i don't practice cheer realted things at home. The list goes on for forever...Normally in a situation like this i would just say to myself "Hey! Don't be so hard on yourself. Get your head in the right direction and keep going. You need to stop being in the slumps and start living again." By typing that just now, i already feel a little better. Maybe i really should stop overthinking things and beating myself up. I'm depressed over nothing, honestly. I feel like a whiny baby right now. People have it a lot worse than me, and i need to be there for them if anything. Now get off your laptop and perk up, go make someones day, you love doing that.

Stay true to yourself

Lately I've been willing to accept who I am. I used to always question myself on what I did or what I thought. I would be apprehensive to post to many pictures on Instagram, or even to post a certain type of picture. I need to stop being afraid of me, and just do what I want and what I believe. Being afraid of your own self is never okay, and I've realized that in life. In life, you'll only achieve the greatest amount of happiness if you proceed with what you believe or what you want to do. That is my opinion anyway. In the past I've been happier because I do what I want, not what society or my peers want me to do. I feel like once I hit high school, I was faced with a lot of decisions to make. One of them being, "Who am I?" As a teenager it's your job and responsibility to create yourself, and let the world around you teach you what type of person you will become one day. I think being around upperclassmen I am sometimes pressured into putting on my "cool" mask. Which hides who the real Bridget is. First impressions are key to meeting new people, and I feel like most freshman are afraid of being criticized and judged by juniors and seniors especially. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I am afraid of who I am talking to if they are a senior, especially if they are a big name in the school. Then you really feel obligated to make them laugh or smile at what you have to say; but the thing is, YOU DON'T. I would rather have a senior look at me a little weird for what I have said, then have them laugh at something that wasn't even something I would normally say. Why give the impression of someone who isn't you? The reason you are on this earth is to stand up and own your name. Have opinions, disagree with people. ITS OKAY. You will live, trust me, a little embarrassment doesn't hurt everyone all the time. Actually if anything I think that embarrassment strengthens me. When I get a funny look, or an "Oh my gosh Bridget.." I take that as people not knowing how to react to me, or what I say. Whenever I experience an embarrassing moment, I look back at it later and realize "I was embarrassed for no reason."  Why should you question yourself to the reason you said something or did something? Obviously if you did it you did it for a reason. It was the first thing that came to your mind at the time, SO WHAT. Chances are the person you were talking to won't remember the situation if you don't make a big deal about it. If you act super embarrassed, and you start yelling at the person confessing that what you said was something that you "didn't mean to say" and scream and shout about it, then that just makes a bigger scenario for the other person to remember. If you say something "weird" and then the other person takes it the wrong way, shake it off. Move on to another topic and don't make a big scene out of it. You cannot let a bunch of tiny moments in your life dictate how you are as a person. Don't let silly little happenings ruin your mood either. Walk away from things knowing that what you said or did was done by you, and there is no other way it should be. You did those things because inside of you something told you to do it, and you thought it was right. Which is absolutely fine. Listen to that little voice in your head and don't let it be hushed by society or other influential things/people.