It's just a camera.
A device used to take photos.
That's all it is.
Let me ask this question, why am I so broken over this $600 piece of plastic? Why did my heart drop the moment I knew I'd never get it back? Was it because of the photo's actually left on the camera? The photo's of Bob Woodward? The Bob Woodward who reported the Watergate Scandal. You know what, I don't even think the photo's meant anything to me at that moment. I believe it was the realization that I could no longer take photo's. I convinced my parents to let me take this trip to Washington DC, to learn more about journalism, and photography in general. And in that moment, the fact that my camera was gone and wasn't coming back, hit me hard. Real hard. The best way I can describe the feeling, is an example that relates to cheer, specifically me backspotting.
You're trying a new stunt. A lib, (one legged above your head stunt), with a twist cradle down. For me being the person in the back, I'm in charge of the flyers safety, but at the same time, I'm scared for my own safety. Usually, I'm able to push my safety out of the way, the flyer ends up being the center of attention. Sort of like when I was traveling with my camera, I was worried about bringing my most cherished item so far away from home. But I did it anyway, I shoved the negativity out of my brain, and just worried about my cameras safety and moved on. The stunt hits, she's in the air solid as a rock. Here comes the moment of truth-the end. Will she twist all the way around and make it? Or will she freak out halfway through, resulting with a hit to the face for me, and me on the ground with her in my arms? Here we go, I shout,"5..6..7..8," I let go and watch it all unfold. She chose the second option for today. As she's spazzing out in the air, I feel an elbow to the face before I see it. It makes that BANG noise in your head that quite frankly I can't describe, you just have to feel it.It's a noise I've heard far too many times, but I don't really mind it, my flyers safe, so technically I'm good. After the stunt burns and crashes, everyone checks to see the status of group. Once we all realize that we're okay, we set back up, and prepare to do it all over again.
By taking my camera to DC, I knew of the risks, I knew it could be taken from me. At the end of the day though, that thought was shoved so far back in my head, that It seemed unrealistic. That only happens in movies, It couldn't ever happen to me...
I would much rather take a blow to the face from a flyer than my camera being ripped from my room at late hour of the night. The pain I felt in the moment of it all, was unreal. I can honestly say I have never hurt so bad in my life, and If I have, I can't remember when. When I heard that it was gone forever, It was very similar to being smacked in the face. Like reality slapped it's wicked ways against my heart, to show that anythings possible, and this occurrence could happen to anyone.
I haven't been able to write about this, because I honestly didn't know how. But, oddly enough, by just typing out snippets of my thoughts, I feel better. No one will understand how important that camera was. It was my first step, into a long line of future cameras. It is nice to say "well at least you weren't hurt or messed with by the person who came into your room,"...But at the same time I am hurt. Mentally, which is always the type of hurt that's ignored. It's not like you can see someone is mentally hurt as clear as you can see a huge bruise across someones face. As for now, I start at square one. Slowly replacing everything that was taken from me, and the mental scarring that I'll hold on to for forever. Sorry that I couldn't be happy at the end of this post. Reality isn't always happy, and that Is one thing I learned on my last trip to Washington DC.
