I'm in here somewhere

The real Bridget hasn't been around for awhile now.. and to be honest i don't know where she went. It's almost as if I've lost any drive or ambition i ever had. I don't get excited to do things as much anymore, and all i wanna do is lay in my bed and watch Netflix series all day. I'm not as passionate about the same things i used to be.. i don't know what's happening. It's like I've been stuck in a state of depression, and I've dug the hole so deep for myself that i don't know how to get out of it. I don't want you all to feel bad for me when you read this either. I'm just going through a stage i think. And no, I'm not cutting myself or anything like that. I'm really okay. It's just that when i look at myself in the mirror all i am is disappointed. Disappointed about not having all A's. Disappointed by not working as hard as i can on things. Disappointed because i don't practice cheer realted things at home. The list goes on for forever...Normally in a situation like this i would just say to myself "Hey! Don't be so hard on yourself. Get your head in the right direction and keep going. You need to stop being in the slumps and start living again." By typing that just now, i already feel a little better. Maybe i really should stop overthinking things and beating myself up. I'm depressed over nothing, honestly. I feel like a whiny baby right now. People have it a lot worse than me, and i need to be there for them if anything. Now get off your laptop and perk up, go make someones day, you love doing that.

Stay true to yourself

Lately I've been willing to accept who I am. I used to always question myself on what I did or what I thought. I would be apprehensive to post to many pictures on Instagram, or even to post a certain type of picture. I need to stop being afraid of me, and just do what I want and what I believe. Being afraid of your own self is never okay, and I've realized that in life. In life, you'll only achieve the greatest amount of happiness if you proceed with what you believe or what you want to do. That is my opinion anyway. In the past I've been happier because I do what I want, not what society or my peers want me to do. I feel like once I hit high school, I was faced with a lot of decisions to make. One of them being, "Who am I?" As a teenager it's your job and responsibility to create yourself, and let the world around you teach you what type of person you will become one day. I think being around upperclassmen I am sometimes pressured into putting on my "cool" mask. Which hides who the real Bridget is. First impressions are key to meeting new people, and I feel like most freshman are afraid of being criticized and judged by juniors and seniors especially. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I am afraid of who I am talking to if they are a senior, especially if they are a big name in the school. Then you really feel obligated to make them laugh or smile at what you have to say; but the thing is, YOU DON'T. I would rather have a senior look at me a little weird for what I have said, then have them laugh at something that wasn't even something I would normally say. Why give the impression of someone who isn't you? The reason you are on this earth is to stand up and own your name. Have opinions, disagree with people. ITS OKAY. You will live, trust me, a little embarrassment doesn't hurt everyone all the time. Actually if anything I think that embarrassment strengthens me. When I get a funny look, or an "Oh my gosh Bridget.." I take that as people not knowing how to react to me, or what I say. Whenever I experience an embarrassing moment, I look back at it later and realize "I was embarrassed for no reason."  Why should you question yourself to the reason you said something or did something? Obviously if you did it you did it for a reason. It was the first thing that came to your mind at the time, SO WHAT. Chances are the person you were talking to won't remember the situation if you don't make a big deal about it. If you act super embarrassed, and you start yelling at the person confessing that what you said was something that you "didn't mean to say" and scream and shout about it, then that just makes a bigger scenario for the other person to remember. If you say something "weird" and then the other person takes it the wrong way, shake it off. Move on to another topic and don't make a big scene out of it. You cannot let a bunch of tiny moments in your life dictate how you are as a person. Don't let silly little happenings ruin your mood either. Walk away from things knowing that what you said or did was done by you, and there is no other way it should be. You did those things because inside of you something told you to do it, and you thought it was right. Which is absolutely fine. Listen to that little voice in your head and don't let it be hushed by society or other influential things/people.

When i look at you..

I see, a friend. Or are you a friend? What is a friend anyway? Sometimes i look at you as one of my favorite people on the planet...but other times i question myself to what you actually are, or what you actually mean to me. You make me laugh like no other, and you've also made me ball my eyes out. Which is kind of how i feel right now. It makes me really upset how you prioritize things. I feel like you think you have all your ducks in a row, but you don't. Do i mean anything to you, cause i feel like i'm often forgotten. This isn't a new feeling, but just because I've experienced this before doesn't mean i like it. AT ALL. I stick up for you. Did you know that? I try not to fall into all the rumors, and think what others think. How am i supposed to be this way though, when a majority of these things i hear are true?...Beyond all of this, what would you do without me? Right at this present moment, i think you'd be just fine without me. Just one less thing to worry about right? Exactly. I lay awake at night trying to remember what you do for me, who you are to me, and how you benefit me. Friends are supposed to go through thick and thin with each other; they are supposed to pull through and end up on top. Am i right? Or am i just different? Because that's all i am right? Different. Sorry i'm not your normal teenager. Actually i'm not sorry. I'm proud of who i am, and of who i'm becoming, and maybe you aren't helping in this development of me. I feel like you never care about what i have to say anymore. What would happen if i just walked away...when i look at you i am disgusted.

Writing through my eyes

When I write something, I just wing it. I don't like to think about adverbs, or where things go in a sentence. As long as something flows when I type it, I type it. I feel as if journalism is taking away my love for writing. Whenever I write something a certain way, it's considered "editorializing" which is a big no no in the journalistic department. What I think people don't realize is, when you are trying to help me fix my piece, saying "OH NO THATS EDITORIALIZING" doesn't help. I don't care what I'm doing wrong, just show me how to fix it so I won't do it again. Besides, what's wrong with editorializing? Whatever the heck that even means. I would really love for someone to sit down and explain it to me. If I knew what it was, maybe I wouldn't do it as much. But I feel like when I'm not writing "editorially" I'm not writing like myself. I feel like a different person. I don't want to write this way at all, which is the part that really gets to me. I want to express my thoughts, and findings through the newspaper on how I want to write them, but I guess that just isn't the answer. So now I'm just stuck; writing things that I really don't wanna write, but I guess that's just how it goes now. At least I still have my blog. 

Pros and Cons of Technology in Realtionships

Does technology help or hurt our relationships? I mean if you really think about it, i don't think people use technology to its advantages. Yes skyping or facetiming a loved one who is far away is a great idea and it is an amazing way to stay in touch. But what about texting? And what are the expectations nowadays for texting? Are we automatically supposed to text our bf/gf as soon as we're not with them? Or are we supposed to say "Oh well i just saw him/her yesterday morning, i don't need to text him/her." But the thing is no one does that. I try to do that as much as i can, but i just can't. I think that texting and social media in general just hurt relationships severally. Girls get mad if their boyfriends like certain girls pictures, and not their pictures. And guys get mad about those things too. Girls get mad if they don't get a good morning text, but really is that something to be mad about? So what that your boyfriend didn't wake up and immediately text you and say "Goodmorning Beautiful :)" It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you any less. And it certainly isn't something to be mad about. Also all that crap saying "Well if he didn't text me as soon as he wakes up then that means that he wasn't thinking about me when he woke up" yeah that isn't true. Maybe when he woke up he was starving, and he got a bowl of cereal. Did you ever consider that girls? Also news flash ladies, guys aren't as glued to their phones as you are. They don't always have their phone stuck to their hip. Adding to the topic of guys not being glued to their phone is texting back. Should girls draw conclusions to why their boyfriends didn't text them back within a desired time? No they should not. Just because a guy didn't text you back in 20 minutes or something like that doesn't mean that he is ignoring you by any means. Even if he didn't text you back in an hour it still doesn't automatically mean that he is ignoring you, or that he doesn't want to talk to you. Again, guys aren't glued to their phones, and sometimes they just leave their phones some where and get distracted and go do something else. Oh my goodness! NO WAY! They actually leave their phones somewhere?!?! How bizarre. Actually its not that weird, its quite normal. Its alright to text your guy a question mark after about an hour or so without him replying to your text. And if he doesn't text back to your question mark, then obviously he's busy. That's right, B-U-S-Y. Not hooking up with some other girl, or cheating on you or something. Now, if  you see your friend post a picture on Instagram or something, and he likes it during the time he hasn't texted back, well thats a different story. But then again, maybe he just got back to his phone, and he went on insta real quick before he was going to text you back. Its all a vigorous game. Of "Why didn't you text me?" or "How dare you like Christine's picture and not mine!" But in the end, does it really matter? Do you really care that he liked your picture and not yours, but in that same day who did he kiss goodbye? You or Christine? Yeah, that's what i thought. I think that girls get way to concerned about the cellar part of a relationship. Now, technology isn't always bad, it has its up sides too. For instance, if you haven't saw your bf/gf in awhile, its always nice just to post something saying "Missing my babe" or something. Or if you know your partner is having a bad day, you can always just text them and say "Hope you have a good day!" or "Keep your head up baby the day is almost over!" And, there is always skype, as i said in the beginning. Which can help a lot. Just hearing and seeing them after awhile of not seeing them can just make your day better in literally two seconds. Just remember, relationships should be about trust, and if you can't trust who you're with, then it simply won't work out.

Nothing Ever Changes

Since the very beginning your tactics of handling something like this has never changed. Which is pretty sad. You would think someone would grow, or learn, or change from their past. Nope not you. You claim that you have grown as a person, and that you have made changes for the better and that you are going so far in life. But honestly i still see the same you. I still see the 16 year old in you. The wild crazy teen that just wants to have fun with guys and go to parties. It really makes me sad to see your lack of effort. After all this time, and after the same thing keeps reoccurring a person could assume that you would have changed by now. But no, you're you. The same you without a clue in your head of what is going on. Or how to even handle a situation like this maturely.

Apple

Yesterday i went and saw the movie Jobs. Even though i sat throughout the whole movie being as confused as i could possibly be, i did learn a few things from the film. I had no idea how determined and ambitious of a person Steve Jobs was. Steve challenged everyone in his life, and displayed great examples of how to truly step out of the box. Now a days i honestly think that people are afraid to step out of their comfort zone, or to think about things that are unimaginable. The thing i loved best about the film was that throughout the whole movie Steve's goal was the same; to make devices simple for all ages, and to have his products simply enhance a persons personality. Watching this movie just inspires me to want to use even more Apple products. Steve Jobs left a good impression of who he was when he left this earth. At least i think he did. Steve Jobs has inspired me to never stop believing in what i want to do, and to not let people get in the way of what i want to do.