Is this just me?

I have recently discovered a page on twitter that's all about Capricorns. And by reading the posts I've figured out that almost every thing they say on there describes me to a T. I've came to realization that i am a very caring and forgiving person. And i cant stay mad at someone forever.That's where my problem occurs. I have been having a lot of fights and arguments with friends. SO after awhile of all the fighting and blaming i was tired and DONE. So that's what i said to them; i said that i could not take it anymore and that they were no longer my friends. I feel like in a way that was the right thing to do, but in the same respect, what kind of a person am i for doing such a thing? I mean now that i think about it, that was kind rude....Maybe i'm just jumping conclusions and my forgiveness if starting to kick in, or maybe i'm right? If you don't know, (which you probably don't) i am the type of person who talks to everyone in the school. I don't leave anyone out. And now that i'm not friends with these two people, i don't talk to them. This feels so out of my nature and i feel so rude. Because i talk to everyone and i don't talk to them. Which isn't fair! I mean I'm so hypocritical aren't i? Maybe its a good thing that i don't talk to them over all though?... I honestly have no idea. My mind is just so messed up right now. And i feel as if they were really good friends they should have came to me already and begged for me back. Now that i say that i feel like that is a really high expectation that no one is going to meet. That was another thing that, that twitter account mentioned. It said that Capricorns set really high expectations for themselves and other people. Is that a good thing or a bad thing though? I dont know...

Replacement

I have been replaced. It's legit now. I'm gone, and out of your life right? You never text me just to text me, or talk to

Me just to talk to me. You only talk to me when you want too. I'm not the person you run to anymore. It's all about her. And by the way, I'm pretty sure everyone hates it when you call her boob. Seriously though, NO one calls people that. No one I know wants to be referred to as a breast. It just doesn't sound right. It sounds immature. And what I hate the most is all the little games your playing with me. You say "Im sorry! I didn't mean for you to feel this way! I feel terrible!" And then you go hang out with her and say #bestfriend. That's a big label your giving her considering you hate her guts half the time. It makes zero sense to me. Figure it out and call me when you're ready to break the news to me. Okay? Okay. 👌

I just can't do it...yet

I need to get over the fact that she isn't going to come to me anymore. She isn't going to cry on my shoulder. She isn't going to want to talk to me about her problems anymore. Because apparently I'm bad at what I used to do. I'm bad at being a bestfriend. I don't meet her requirements. So you know what? I'm done. I am D-O-N-E trying to be close with her. If she isn't willing to give 100% effort why should I ? Even though I was, it was completely pointless. I hate that she just moved on like the blink of an eye though. I just HATE that. We still remain friends, but it's weird. I'm used to telling her everything, and talking to her 24/7 and then it just stopped. Apparently in her opinion we haven't been close in forever. But why was that my fault? Oh yeah it wasn't. Sorry not sorry that you had a controlling boyfriend and you never realized. I miss us, and I hate these nights. Where I can't stop thinking about what we were. But I just need to wake up and smell the roses and realize what we are.

My Escape

Going to church honestly takes me to a new world. It's as if i can let reality take a pause and just praise The Lord. And learn about him, and learn how to better myself as a person it's just a great place to be. I love how my Pastor says before service "There is nothing more important you could be doing right now, than giving back to God" Oh my gosh I almost didn't capitalize the 'G' in God, and then I thought, "The absolute LEAST thing I could do for him, is spell his name with a capital." To be honest, I don't know if I loved tonight's service as much as I normally do, but I do know that I have a new thing to think about for a week. And that just inspires me in itself. The only thing that bugs me is, that I don't go to church on Sundays. Which I should. I feel so guilty about it. Because I'm just selfish. The only excuse's for not wanting to go on Sunday is that 1.I don't wanna get up early, 2.I don't want it to Intrude on my weekends, like if I'm having a sleepover, and lastly 3. I'm kinda nervous... That sounds so dumb, I mean who gets nervous about going to church? Well I do. The reasoning behind the is that I feel so undereducated when it comes to religion, and so when I go to church on Sunday, I feel that I'll be the odd one out, or I won't know what's going on. And I hate that feeling. I will ask a MILLION questions until I understand what I'm doing. That's one characteristic about myself I am not ashamed of. I mean if you don't understand something, why wouldn't you want to ask questions? I would love to hear someone's reasoning to that. Anyway back to Sunday church, In the end i just think I'm lazy, and exclude myself from church Sunday on a very selfish and unrealistic level. 

Moving on

I'm letting go. I'm quote on quote "moving on" from both of you. I'm sick and tired of being the bad guy, or the person that's always wrong. But I've come to realization, that I did nothing wrong! And I love how when I'm dying inside, you two are perfectly happy. I still can't believe what you said to me today. That really hurt my feelings. Who says that type of stuff anyway? All I know is that I'm tired if being mistreated. I'm tired of being unappreciated and I'm T-I-R-E-D of not even being thought about. Good night folks.

The Purpose of My Blog

I have my blog because I can't vent to anyone. And I mean ANYONE. The people I want to vent to, of course have to be the source of my problems. Is that right? I don't think it is! Why are my "closest friends" my problem? Maybe my dads right, I should just ditch them. But I don't know how I'd be able to follow through with that. I wish it all wasn't so complicated. And can someone explain to me the definition of a best friend? Because I guess I obviously don't know.

Life's alright

Lately life has been alright. I went shopping over the weekend, and I feel good. My friendships are getting better and finally my bestfriend and her boyfriend broke up. It's not that I don't like them together, it's just that I knew they wouldn't last. They didn't have trust in their relationship and it crumbled apart. (As I thought it would) But honestly I'm Happy for her. I thought he was bringing her down and making her really limit her life. I think now without him in her life, she'll finally be able to learn who she is. I'm excited for her.